I feel like i do so many wrong things or mistakes and just not want to live anymore
I agree with starman, but I am going to elaborate, so I am doing an answer, not a comment.
Sometimes, you just have to do whatever you have to do to survive. Life is tough, and sometimes, its just too much, but I can assure you of one truth, life is like a ship. Waves hit it, and rock it, but eventually it levels out. Its not always rough waters, and those times where its smooth, make it all worth it.
Personally, I believe that medication of some kind, whether is antidepressants, or "other" drugs, can get you through the bad times. I am not advocating drug use, but if it works.
Mainly, get some counselling. Call a hotline or a friend if it gets to be too much, and talk to your doctor about it. For me, there was about 2 years, that without some meds, I wouldnt be here now. They really help. You are never the only one feeling like this.
But always remember that drugs (anti depressents or any other kind) only give a temporary relief to the problem and NOT a solution in itself. The point of taking any drugs (pre******ion or otherwise) is just to get you through the time until you can get the REAL help that is required.
All too often nowadays, doctors are all too keen to simply stick the patient on anti depressents, pain killers, or whatever they can prescribe, and leave it at that rather than go through the effort and expense of getting the real help thatis needed to fix the problem itself, rather than just treat the symptoms temporarily and get the patient out of their office as quick as possible so they can see another patient.
Excellent advice. focusing on our failures just clouds our perception of our successes. Preferably a Pentecostal church. God can meet our needs in ways that no human will ever come close to. People fail, but God and His Love NEVER fails. And as previously commented, this too shall pass. Tough it out, but get outside of yourself and make someone elses day brighter, it will make you feel great in the process!
Sorry clairemeister, I really don mean to be rude, and I am sure that your faith works for you, but faith doesn always work for everyone. All too often I see on these suicide threads that people are using them to try and recruit new members. Please do [عزيزي الزائر يتوجب عليك التسجيل لمشاهدة الرابط للتسجيل اضغط هنا] not, be too offended, as I mean no disrespect to you or your faith. I am sure you are doing what you feel is the best in your opinion and from your experience. I will fight to the end for your right to worship whoever you want, however you want, but I will also fight for the right of others not to have someone else faith thrust upon them (however well meaning, which I am sure is the case with you).
Speaking as someone who has been actively suicidal for over 15 years, the last thing I wanted to hear when I was asking for help or advice was someone trying to use my feeling weak as a chance to [عزيزي الزائر يتوجب عليك التسجيل لمشاهدة الرابط للتسجيل اضغط هنا] recruit me to their faith, their politics or any other group that they represent. I wanted to be treated as an individual and listened to.
Lots of people go through this, i used to, the world was out to get me but one day i woke up, looked out the window and said "Forget this" so i threw away any bad memories and bought a box of crayons and colored happy pictures and hung them all over my walls. i surrounded myself with only happy thoughts and even though this method didnt work forever, it wotked just long enough for a truly extraordinary person to come in my life and save me for good. i cant beleive i almost killed myself back in the day but i sure as hell am glad i didnt.
Learn from your mistakes and don repeat them. It called growth. We all live and learn. Sometimes, unfortunately, we all go through periods where we do things that either embarrass us so much or make us feel so stupid that we think we can or don want to make it through another day. Realize that you live through all of it (even if you feel like you don want to!) and it will pass. It may feel hard to believe at the moment, but better days will come. Everyone is different so try all kinds of things that might make you feel better. For example, do something you think you are either pretty good at or know you are good at often and realize that not everything you do is wrong or a mistake. If you give yourself positive reinforcement by taking a mental note every time you do something good or right instead of concentrating on your errors , you realize that you have more good than bad. Also, do whatever makes you feel better. For me, music has been a great escape for me. I remember a time when I was feeling like you and a song from REM called Every**** Hurts, was a Godsend for me. Every time I heard it, it just made me feel less alone in the world. And keep your chin up!
I have been actively suicidal for over 15 years. I feel that I have made SO many mistakes that I couldn possibly list them all here or I would completely fill the entire network up. But here are just a few of the highlights (or lowlights, if you prefer).
I allowed my son to go live with his mother and her new boyfriend, who threw him down the stairs and he died from a brain haemorrhage. Every day I feel guilty for allowing him to go live there. My daughter went to live abroad with her mother at that point, because I was not coping very well, and I have not seen her since either and don have any idea what her name is anymore, let alone what country to even start to look for her (so I lost both my children that day).
While grieving for my son death, I treated my then girlfriend like crap. I hadn previously told her that I had children, so I couldn tell her why I was so upset. It ended up that she killed herself because of my behaviour thinking that it was she that was making me so miserable. Every day I regret not telling her the truth and from that day forward I swore never to tell another lie in my life (which is really not as easy as it sounds and has lost me a LOT of friends along the way by not being able to lie to them).
Later in life, I caught my then girlfriend in bed with someone else, lost my temper, got on my motorbike and rode it, at night, in the rain at 90mph, stright into a brick wall, shattering almost every bone in my ****, puncturing a lung and a kidney and leaving me in constant pain, covered from head to toe in scars and permanently in a wheelchair for the rest of my life (although my legs and abdomen are worth a small fortune, as they have most of a limited edition Goldwing motorbike still in them).
Although I was heavily abused by my family while growing up, I decided that when my mother asked me to look after her house while she was going to live abroad, it would be a great chance for us all to mend our brodges and maybe get close at long last. One night, she turned up in the middle of the night with my brother, tortured me physically and mentally for 2 weeks straight, and left me in a wood around midnight with my arms and wrists slashed open to bleed to death. I was found by a guy walking his dog and taken to hospital and they saved me, although I had lost 5 pints of blood and it was a [عزيزي الزائر يتوجب عليك التسجيل لمشاهدة الرابط للتسجيل اضغط هنا] close thing.
Practically every day I mess up somehow and make mistakes on a ratio of about 300 mistakes to every 1 non mistake in my life. I went from being a multi millionaire with 2 sucessful businesses to being broke and living rough on the streets.
HOWEVER, from my experiences, I started a charity to help the homeless and people in poverty in the UK.
Although it such a small thing, I am proud that everything I own today I managed to buy, myself, while living on minimum benefits. I owe no debts to anyone and I still manage to help someone every now and then (when my pain isn too bad, I not too stoned from my medication and my mind is working for once).
The point I am making is that I am fairly sure that even those few mistakes I listed there (and they are just a few, I promise you that I have literally thousands of other examples but don want to send you to sleep if you aren already by boring you with them) are probably worse than any mistake you felt you may have made (not that I trying to compete, I am merely trying to show you that I have felt how you feel right now), and even if they aren then at least you aren alone in making bad mistakes.
However, EVERY SINGLE ONE of those mistakes, and the thousands of others not listed, have made me into who I am today. I honestly would not be me now without making all those mistakes, and you wouldn [عزيزي الزائر يتوجب عليك التسجيل لمشاهدة الرابط للتسجيل اضغط هنا] be you now, reading this and getting bored to tears, without you making all of your mistakes. BECAUSE of ALL the mistakes thatI have made in my life, I am able to help a few people now and then overcome their problems [عزيزي الزائر يتوجب عليك التسجيل لمشاهدة الرابط للتسجيل اضغط هنا] in their lives and help to get them up and going again to rebuild their lives again, just as you are going to do because if you manage to commit suicide before I do I will be SERIOUSLY annoyed with you because I have been trying for longer, so it MY right to go first! ok? (besides, I a male and that means that we always like to feel that we are MUCH more hard done by than ANYONE ELSE!).
If you really want to find something to make you feel better, then my advice is to go out at 3am, find someone that has REALLY annoyed you in the past, and blast a trumpet through their letterbox or something like that. It amazing how doing something as childish as simply getting your own back on someone in a really petty way can make you feel good (well, at least until the cips turn up, then you have to run away REALLY fast and blame the cat or something!). Another way is to eat a load of mexican food, or beans, then purposely hold in all the wind until you get into a lift with a load of pompous people who think they are better than everyone else, then let it all rip! That one always makes ME feel better (if only for the relief of finally getting rid of all that wind that I been holding in all the time I was trying to find a lift full of pompous people!).
I can already tell from your responses on this site that you will find a way to get through this, and like I said, if you don and you DO manage to kill yourself before I do, then you better find a great hiding place in the afterlife, cos I WILL come looking for you when I finally get it right and get there!
Some of us take the hard road through life. Slow down, consider your options before you act. Maybe a meditation class would help. Choose your friends carefully. I have a 37 year old son who has made his life so difficult. he is a pothead and a drinker, and does the most stupid things when he under the influence. He is up to his neck in debt, estranged from his family, and will be a father for the first time in August (which scares the hell out of me for the baby sake), and in 25 years he learned nothing.
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