Hi friends. I’m in need of objective opinions from you wise people. Apologize for length.
Here goes.
My daughter (middle of 3) is 20, will be 21 in April. We were pretty close before my stroke. She was 11 when I had it. While I was still in hospital, my husband had a near fatal attack of diverticulitus and had emergency colon surgery.
I came home after a month in hospital, very depressed over my condition (partial paralysis).
She began acting up at school and we had to have meetings with her teachers.
She got a job at age 16. Hubs found her a great car (she was to pay half…..never saw a penny) and she totaled it within 30 days.
All through this time she regularly "borrows" money but never pays back. Now we don’t mind helping out the kids but this child never even offers to pay back any amount. She has stolen $ from my purse before.
Let me add her dad pays her cell phone bill.
She got another car….three payments behind….repo man after her. dad pays late payments with her promise to repay $300. This all occurred on her payday. Haven’t seen her since. She kept promising husb she was "on her way" never saw her. I should add since she got her car she never comes home except to do laundry.
She has an older sister and a a 4 yr old niece. No Christmas presents for anyone. Her sister is 21, a single mom who has also loaned her money. She’s never seen a penny either. Now daughter one can ill afford to loan anyone money. Daughter one works, gets no welfare. We help daughter one but she rarely asks for help.
Back to daughter two. She still has made no contact. Paying her car payments put a good hole in our finances (we are not rich, we do okay but barely). She knows how things are for us but apparently doesn’t care, since she hasn’t been seen.
All this help we give her is pissing off daughter one, and my son. They think we’re idiots for helping her knowing we’ll never see it again. She’s been handed everything and appreciates nothing.
I got so upset with her yesterday I told her I was cutting her off, that she was no daughter of mine.
I feel horrible for it. Of course I love her but I can’t keep bailing her out of every problem.
We have:
bought her a car.
Made the down payment on second car.
Paid 2 warrants.
"Loaned" her small amts of cash throughout the last few years.
She has:
Ignored her younger (14 yo) brother and her niece (4 yo) on their birthdays and Christmas.
Whoa, even this past Christmas, after presents were opened, she asked if we were giving her any money.
I hope this makes some kind of sense.
Basically, I’ve cut off my own daughter and feel like the lowest form of motherhood. Daughter one and son both say "About time." But she’s still my child. How can she just not give a fuck that she’s hurting us? She has also told me more than once that i’m a terrible mother.
I don’t know….how can 2 girls from the same parents be so different?
