January Jones Wants To Do RiRi
Not pictured: The 25 space heaters and 12 torches that were needed to make sure the water didn’t freeze and the peonies didn’t turn into icicle flowers from being exposed to the Ice Queen of South Dakota.
Seen above making a graceful “oopsie” face after accidentally diarrhea-ing in the tub during a photo shoot for Violet Grey, The Coldest Month Jones was asked by the magazine if she could rub her icicle clit (clicicle?) against any celebrity, who should she choose. January spit out this ice cube:
“Paul Newman or Rihanna”
Paul Newman is now a beautiful ghost and ghosts are cold enough so he doesn’t need January Jones’ frozen **** bumping up against him. He’ll pass. RiRi will also pass, because it’ll be hard for her to pop her pussy on stage when it’s frozen and numb. Actually, RiRi would still do her, but she’d just unthaw her chocha out with a blow dryer afterward.
January also spit out this priceless freezer-burned nugget:
“I prefer to remain mysterious and have people MAKE their own judgment calls about me than to always have to EXPLAIN who I am and what I’m about. I try to take risks and shock people a little bit, it’s important to provoke some sort of emotion, negative or positive.”
AHAHAHAHAHA! Who knew that unflavored popsicles were so damn funny! Like January Jones gives off any other emotion besides, “I WILL FREEZE YOUR SOUL AND END YOU.” But she is right about the whole “mysterious” thing. Most ice cubes are pretty damn mysterious. When I’m boozed up and stoned and I’m on my 12th glass of sangria, I pull an ice cube out of my glass and say to it, “How do you become you? How do you keep my drink so cold and delicious?” So I get what she means.
What is the single greatest night of your life and why?
The night my son was born for so many reasons.
Do you think gentlemen prefer blondes?
I think gentlemen rarely have a preference but having been a red head and a brunette before, I will say I get more attention being a blond, it must have something to do with light reflection.
At what age do you think men are at their best?
Somewhere between 30-80.
Who do you most want to go to bed with, dead or alive?
Paul Newman or Rihanna
What do you really think of Jon Hamm?
I think he’s amazing. Very kind and generous, well read, very strong but easily vulnerable, very funny but also dark. My friend.
How important is nail polish in your life?
It’s very important because I wear acrylics for Mad Men and am constantly changing the polish from work colors (frosty white, coral, classic red or pink), to a nude or light pink to disguise how long they are. And if I want to go bold, I love a deep red.
What is the most important beauty product in your cosmetic wardrobe?
Face creams of course. I can’t live without Sisely’s Supremya night cream. It’s worth your rent money.
Do you believe in plastic surgery?
Whatever helps a person feel beautiful and confident is fine with me. I personally am afraid of the procedures that involve anesthetic but ask me again in twenty years.
What do you keep on your bedside table?
Books, water, hand cream, lip balm and photos of my family.
What is the most important piece of beauty advice you learned from your mom?
She always told me that if I kept making so many weird and ugly faces my face would eventually freeze that way. Luckily I found a job where funny and/or frozen faces are encouraged. Also, to not over pluck your eyebrows, a strong brow makes you look younger.
What items will you take from the Mad Men set when it wraps?
My Movado watch if I can, maybe some clothes and table lighters.
Which book changed your life?
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy and Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo.
What is one thing in Hollywood that is overrated?
The entourage.
What question have you received the most throughout your career?
If my **** is real and if so, why am I ****d that.
